Choice Words

If you’re anything like me, you get annoyed when you go out to dinner with a guy friend, boyfriend, or what have you, and even though neither of you have indicated who will be picking up the check, or worse yet, even though YOU’VE indicated you’re paying, the bill gets set down squarely in front of… the dude. Granted, it only occurs once in a while, but it seems that is enough of a trend (among other things) for the New York Times to write a story about it.

The way I deal with it? Generally, immediately grabbing it from where it’s at, staring meaningfully at the waitstaff, and placing it directly in front of myself. Other times, I’ll reduce the tip ever so slightly. I mean, obviously they don’t expect me to be paying since I’m a lady, and ladies don’t pay. You’re totally right! We don’t pay, so when I try to, I fail ever so slightly at it. SRY.

There were some things in the article I never noticed before, but do now - for instance, the custom of sitting the woman with her back to the wall so she can see the entire restaurant. It’s likely that I didn’t notice before cause, hey, I’m nosy, I like to see what’s going on, and I chalked it up to good fortune that I always got to spy on people eating.

I mean, I get that some patrons might like that their food is served, their table is seated, and their bill is placed in a sex conscious fashion, and this may be a way to ensure that those people are pleased and the rest of us don’t notice. I may be in the very small minority that gets annoyed by, say, bill placement. (I obviously don’t get annoyed by sitting against the wall, but hey, some of us might!) Still, I feel that a sex-blind (or gender-blind, if you’re giving restaurants the benefit of the doubt by assuming they know the difference between sex and gender) restaurant policy is the best option.

A few months ago I wrote about J4G Magazine (Just 4 Girls/ Just 4 Guys), a pro-abstinence publication (although one could call it a fabrication) produced by the Human Life Alliance. It contained riveting articles on topics such as how to tell your partner that you want to wait for marriage to have sex, and why not waiting for marriage to have sex could potentially ruin your life through pregnancy or sexually transmitted infections.

Luckily, I have found the antidote to J4G! It’s called Sex, Etc. and it’s slogan is “Sex education by teens, for teens!” Both the magazine and the website are pretty much fabulous. And it is actually written by teenagers- the 2008-09 editorial board is comprised of nineteen kids, aged fifteen to eighteen. Together they tackle serious issues like how to handle an unplanned pregnancy, how to come out to one’s parents, and how to tell your partner that you are (or aren’t) ready for sex- however you define that. All in all, it’s a refreshing publication that would be a healthy supplement to any high school sex education class.

Going to the gynecologist never fails to make me nervous. I don’t know why, really, but I always let it psych me out. Last week I went in for my yearly and, without fail, the night before the appointment I started getting the jitters. To make matters even worse, since I recently moved to a new city I had to find a new doctor so the fact that I’d be seeing a stranger only compounded my nerves.

Luckily, I got a recommendation for what I feel safe in saying is the best women’s health clinic in Chicago. Granted, I haven’t been to every gynecologist in the Chicagoland area, but I feel confident in my assertion. It was such a positive experience that I decided to highlight the Chicago Women’s Health Center; really, it’s what every trip to the gynecologist should be.

The oldest women’s health collective in the United States, the Chicago Women’s Health Center offers services in gynecology, fertility awareness, artificial insemination, counseling and support groups, and acupuncture (I was a little surprised by the acupuncture, to tell you the truth). As you can probably tell, they believe in a holistic approach to health care. In order to offer quality care to all women, all of their services are offered on a sliding scale.

I first became smitten with CWHC while filling out my medical history form, which one could tell was written from a feminist perspective. For one thing, this clinic does not adhere to the traditional gender dichotomy. Beyond male and female, gender options included transgender, intersex, and gender queer for both the patient and any potential partners. Furthermore, there was an entire section on emotional health that included questions about whether one suffered from food anxiety, and the health of one’s intimate relationships (ie: “Are you/ have you been abused physically, sexually, or emotionally”) and gave an opportunity to request referrals. They even ask if you would like information on orgasm and sexual pleasure! Although it seems like a trivial thing to notice, I must admit that I was impressed by how thorough they were before I even got to the office.

In spite of my nerves, I went into the appointment with high expectations, which I am happy to say were met. The woman conducting the examination was around my age, which made her easier to talk to. I was allowed to keep my own clothes on, which put me at ease. All patients are also given the option of inserting their own speculum- which was made out of plastic, a warmer material than metal, which thus eliminated the need to “warm up the duck lips” (come on, I had to say it at some point).

All things considered, this year’s trip to the gyno was a very positive experience. The CWHC offers health services from a feminist-approach, which I found particularly refreshing. Even my boyfriend (who came along to the office for moral support) said that he got “good vibes” from the place.

about sex … with mom and dad? I can’t stop watching it! I love that Dr. Drew is making these conversations happen between teens and parents in a fun and cool ways. I just hate that they stop after two conversations! I suppose after the second all the games and gimmicks are over..

What do you think? Has anyone else seen this?

My partner, an avid follower of the Nobel Prize for Literature (who becomes less and less avid every time Philip Roth doesn’t get it) told me last night that the Prize for Medicine was awarded to the scientists who discovered the virus that causes AIDS and the virologist who identified human papilloma virus (HPV) as the cause of cervical cancer.

Joint winner of the prize is German HPV discoverer Harald zur Hausen. Nobel Prize committee member Jan Andersson of the Karolinska Institute said the joint award was “for the discovery of two viruses of great importance in diseases for humans.”

Read more about it here.

thanks adam

I know this video is viral but I just love it so much!

October is breast cancer awareness month, which over the past few years has turned into pink consumerism month.

OK, I confess I love the influx of pink products. But especially now, at a time when there is so much focus on the failing economy, I can’t help but be disturbed by the promotion of consumerist culture in the name of a good cause. Is buying products we don’t need from massive corporations really the best way to fight breast cancer? Or are we actually participating in and contributing to a capitalist culture that values the wealth of the few over the health of the many?

Is shopping being allowed to stand in for more substantive, radical political action?

Think Before You Pink, a project of Breast Cancer Action, is a useful resource for looking into some of the pink products out there. The site catalogs, and in some cases hosts campaigns about, products that may increase the risk of breast cancer, that are harmful to the environment, and that contribute relatively small amounts of profits to breast cancer research. There is no broader critique of pink consumerism offered on the site, but it’s useful if you’re like me, someone who loves the pink but still wants to bring at least some of my social justice analysis into my shopping.

In the “why are scientists wasting valuable grant money on this?” news for the day…

Back in the 1950’s coca-cola (and dr.pepper) were fabled to have contraceptive abilities. According to snopes.com, the common belief was that the carbonic acid and sugar molecules exploded the sperm cells. Women would use colas as douches after sex in order to “prevent parenthood.”

In true Mythbusters fashion, scientists have both disproved and proved that cola can be a contraceptive- so I wouldn’t go recommending it to anyone. Apparently, the 1985 study that proved cola CAN be used as a contraceptive was awarded an IG Nobel Prize yesterday. Although this shouldn’t be taken too seriously, IG Nobel is a parody of nobel prizes “first make people laugh, and then make them think.” I mean, if they were serious would they also have awarded a group of Taiwanese doctors that dispelled the same myth?

Among the other awards was Geoffrey Miller’s study which found that sex workers get better tips when ovulating. You should also check out some of the past awardees.

Pretty kooky stuff.

Thanks Erin for the link!

Well, apparently its gone to a political level, except this time its targeting low-income women. A Louisiana legislator has proposed to sterilize poor women and in return, give them $1000 in welfare and food stamps. Unfortunately, this is another proposal being created by gov’t to control a woman’s reproduction. Stated in the article, former KKK leader also had this idea. So not only is this a way of “getting rid of” poverty in hurricane stricken areas, but also to keep women of color from reproducing. This, to me, doesn’t come as a surprise since it was proposed by a state senator in the south, no surprise at all.

The New Orleans Women’s Health Center and the Women’s Health and Justice Initiative came out with an intersectional, feminist response to LaBruzzo’s legislative plans - you can read the whole thing here.

Now at first I thought I was reading wrong, or that it was just a hoax. But the National Institute of Health has actually granted a few docs $20 million to research a new birth control pill for men. Why didn’t this genius idea come to life years ago? IMO, it takes two to tango, but why should the burden of buying and swallowing pills be cast upon the female.

But like all contraceptives, this does raise many concerns such as side effects and social issues with the opposite sex:

Another question remaining is how women will view this new chapter in the sexual revolution. Will they want to share this responsibility, or will they even accept it as something men should consider?

“There is something to be said for being the person that has that control,” Hill says. “I think there will be some women who are willing to share that control with men, but it takes a very trusting relationship, especially for the person who will bear the brunt of the responsibility if the product fails.”

Hill says there would be a difference between long-term relationships and casual relationships, but, she adds, “For the average woman meeting a man, do you really want to hear, ‘Don’t worry, I’m on the pill’?”

I mean, the woman does have a point, so I decided to ask my boyfriend what he thinks and of course his major concerns were side effects such as infertility, and chromosomal abnormalities in conception. Of course, we got into an argument about it. If this pill has hormonal side effects like the female contraceptive, why should that stop you? Most females have to endure horrible hormonal imbalances in their body, similar to morning sickness and PMS, and when we get bitchy about it, men complain.

In the end, this will be up to those couples in which believe that this new form of contraception is best for them. I think its time share the responsibility of preventing unwanted pregnancies, including use of condoms.

For more thoughts on male contraceptives read Joy’s post here.